


Safe To Land

by Magical_Misadventures_in_Miscellany (SilverMillennium_QueenNeptune)



Category: Covert Affairs
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Eventual Romance, F/M, Female Friendship, Multi, Post-Finale
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:06:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28699626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverMillennium_QueenNeptune/pseuds/Magical_Misadventures_in_Miscellany
Summary: A reimaging of my other fanfic, The Course of True Love, this time with a different endgame. Auggie Anderson knew he made the wrong choice when he decided to travel the world with Natasha Petrovna. Annie and Auggie both realize the home and safety they've been looking for isn't a place. . . . it's a person. That's where the journey begins.
Relationships: Auggie Anderson/Annie Walker, Auggie Anderson/Natasha Petrovna, Joan Campbell & Annie Walker, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 8





	Safe To Land

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Course of True Love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26990833) by [Magical_Misadventures_in_Miscellany (SilverMillennium_QueenNeptune)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverMillennium_QueenNeptune/pseuds/Magical_Misadventures_in_Miscellany). 



It was a cold and rainy Friday evening when Auggie Anderson's entire world as he knew it fell apart. He was finally home, after nearly a year and a half spent abroad with Natasha Petrovna, the woman he had thought was meant to be his forever. Auggie had agreed to take some time with his girlfriend, to travel the world with her and let her be his eyes to every new experience that unfolded before them. Natasha had been all too happy to see him leave his old life behind. She had long believed his career with the CIA was getting in the way of their relationship. There were far too many secrets between them, things she didn't want to tell him and things he could not bring himself to tell her.

Natasha was a lovely woman, and Auggie cared for her deeply. But he knew that his disability put a lot of stress on the free-spirited former hacker, more than she ever cared to admit. Their travels together had taught them many things about each other. The most important of these revelations was that Natasha hated to feel tied down for too long. Auggie found himself suddenly over the wanderlust and looking for a place to settle, but he was unsure if she would ever be ready to take that gamble. Natasha had never struck him as the type to settle for anything. She would want to continue their travels, maybe write books and give lectures. It was the very sort of thing that froze Auggie to the core and made him want to run.

Auggie was the first person to admit that he still did not quite know how relationships worked. He loved to pretend to be an expert for his best friend's sake, but then, well. . . Annie Walker had been nothing short of a disaster since she had arrived at the CIA training course. She was still the most unconventional trainee that "The Farm" had ever witnessed. Thinking of Annie made Auggie chuckle, but it came with a sense of melancholy. He had promised that they would not lose touch no matter where he landed. Life, unfortunately, had dealt them a different hand. But he didn't worry too much about it; Annie had a reputation for landing on her feet. He could swear the woman had been a cat in another life. She always seemed to land on her feet, no matter what she was facing or what roadblocks were in her way. Auggie admired her determination to stick with what she loved, but he supposed that was one thing they shared. There were many more, including one that concerned him more than he was willing to admit.

Annie was adept at forming relationships, but Auggie was perhaps the only one who knew what they were like for her. He was not ashamed to admit falling victim to her charms once. It was a hard truth that he attempted to put behind him for Natasha's sake. Annie was—to put it mildly—unforgettable. It sounded cliche to think of her that way, but it was true. That was one of the reasons they were still friends after all this time. They had tried being in a relationship once. It had ended in disaster and heartbreak. Auggie's entire world had been flipped upside down by Annie and everything she knew about him. When he had been assigned as her handler, he'd had no idea of the profound impact she would have on him.

_I should let her know I'm back home. But, knowing Annie, she's probably in the field somewhere._ A year and a half ago, Annie had made the biggest decision of her life. After spending months working in the private sector with McQuaid Industries, she had decided to return to the CIA. Auggie could not help but wonder if anything else had changed since that meeting in the apartment when he had guided her to her choice. She had decided of her own accord that the CIA meant more to her than anything. Auggie could not say he faulted her. She had broken both rules and records to get where she was, survived double agents, and faking her own death. There were too many other hurdles for Auggie to count. Watching her face these dire circumstances, he had learned that it was best not to underestimate a woman of Annie's determination.

Annie was so different from Natasha, and that was what made him love them both in such powerful and unexpected ways. Choosing to love Natasha and let Annie go had cut deeper than Auggie had ever told anyone. Of course, he had drowned his sorrows in a beer before realizing that Natasha loved him just as deeply and would do anything for him. That had gotten him through it. Auggie did not owe Annie a call or anything else, for that matter.

_Get her out of your head. You made your choice; that's over and you're never going to get her back. You have Tash now. Isn't that what you wanted?_ He had done all of this for Natasha, and yet it seemed his past would not let him go. In the beginning, she had given him purpose and balance. He hadn't been sure of anything when he left the CIA, except that he wanted to be somewhere else; somewhere where people needed him and he could help them. Natasha had needed him then. He didn't want to abandon her now, not when they were finally home. She had talked about settling, about starting an actual life with him now that they had done all the things she thought she wanted to do.

Auggie wasn't ready for that conversation, and before he could be, he needed to make some decisions. He needed to be certain that he had chosen the woman who was meant for him and who would stand by him no matter what came their way. He knew exactly what he was looking for, he just wasn't certain he had found it.

"How do I tell 'Tash that I'm not sure anymore about where I belong? How do I tell her that the one person I'm closest to is also the one I can't shake? God. I'm an idiot. With my luck, that's probably a long shot at best by now. But I can't let her go on believing everything is okay when it isn't."

"Auggie? You okay?" Natasha's voice was still concerned, but he no longer heard the warmth and care that had once brought him solace. She still loved him. He knew she did. He owed her so much better than this. He owed her all the love and adoration in the world. After all that they had been through, she deserved better than this—better than him. That revelation was the one that stung him the most. He wanted to believe it was insecurity, but the more the voices in his head repeated it, the more it rang true.

He hated himself for doing this, even as he grabbed his coat and made his way to the door. He'd just gotten home and should want to spend it with her, relaxing. He needed time to adjust to being back here. Although he could not see her, he could feel Natasha's eyes staring at his back as he grabbed the keys to their apartment and shoved them into his pocket.

"Hey? Where are you going, Auggie? Did I do something wrong? Please tell me? It's not like you to be so quiet."

"I just want to go for a walk, that's all. Maybe get a drink or something."

"I can make us something here. Come on, sit down. Something's bothering you. Talk to me." Auggie could feel Natasha moving closer. Her hand clutched at his arm, gentle but firm and imploring. She clearly did not want to be alone when she was tired and jet-lagged. The issue wasn't her, and he longed to find the words to tell her that, but nothing would come. When something tried to leave his lips it was choked by fear; fear that she would no longer want to stay with him or would believe he had fallen in love with someone else. Natasha wasn't an insecure woman by any stretch of the imagination, but he knew she was terrified of losing him after everything they had experienced together.

He had lied to her before, but those were different kinds of lies. They were things he had to say for the sake of his work. Small lies meant to keep her safe; because the less she knew about who he really was and what he did, the better off she would be. That was when he remembered how unfamiliar this place was now. It would not be like falling back into some easy routine he had been doing for years. It would take time. Time to learn the streets and turns and traffic and everything again. Time he was losing with every moment he hesitated here.

"Look, 'Tash. . .", Auggie sighed, fumbling for words again as it became difficult to speak. How did he tell her that he was suffocating here and no one understood? He knew it, but he didn't know how to make it make sense to her. He didn't want to tell her he was going to bed. She would assume that he wanted something more intimate and now was not the time to wound her like that. Finally, he settled on the perfect half-truth, quietly thanking the years of deception training the CIA had forced on him.

"We just got back from a whirlwind trip. You're tired. So am I. But I don't think I'm ready to sleep."

"There are other things we could do besides sleep."

"You make a tempting offer. But I just need some fresh air right now. I need to be by myself for a while, clear my head, you understand." He focused on the sound of her shuffling feet to find her, turned, and grasped her hand.

"I'll be okay, Tash. I'm gonna go get a drink. You sound exhausted. Go get a shower, get changed, take a nap. I promise you're going to need the stamina in the morning."

"In. . ."

"Tash. We never do things the conventional way. Trust me, that's what makes it fun. I'll be home before you know it."

"Okay. I'll see you soon. Oh."

"Yeah?"

"Try not to make me wait 'til morning, Auggie."

"Message received." Auggie's keys clattered into his pocket as he gripped his cane and headed out onto the sidewalk. He took a deep breath, the air filling his lungs and making him grateful that he had this life, even now when he wondered if he had chosen the wrong person to share it with. The ring hiding in his top dresser drawer said otherwise. But that was a decision that could remain for a few more nights, at least until he saw Annie. No one knew him better, not even Natasha. Once he saw her again, he could be sure of the decision, sure that she had every reason to tell him that it was okay to travel the world while she moved on with someone else and left all that they had been, all that they had meant to each other, behind. Tonight, he was drinking to forget. But there were some memories that even alcohol could never wash away.


End file.
